It stings, I breathe out a sigh. I think, It sinks deeper inside. Still feed All these fantasies of mine. On the brink, I close my bloodshot eyes. Into my pillow I scream, Wishing it was all one bad dream. Inside my head I scheme To get you back to me Until I fall asleep.

Hard to see, it’s unclear. How did we end up here? Memories disappear, None remain but my fears. It’s all too real. I’m not insane. It’ll be too late To realize something was actually strange. It’s difficult to see through the fog and the haze Produced by all the lies you’ve been telling me for days. What should I believe, what exactly is the truth? The only thing I know is I no longer trust you. All of the times that you looked me in the eyes, Just to reach into your mind and conjure up another lie, Did you think that I was blind, that I wouldn’t recognize? Did you think that I was blind, that I wouldn’t ask why? Something seemed strange, I caught you in your game, Now I’m far away, and you’re the one to blame. You thought that you were mystic, You thought that I would miss it, You thought you were poetic, But you really were pathetic. One final lyric for you and your memory, Keep it in mind when you try to remember: The way that it ended, the way it diminished, You are the reason that we are finished.

My pulse stops, and my heart is pounding, all at once, Paradox, like the next statement that I say is false: “That was true.” See what I mean? What’s a guy supposed to think? My tongue is twisted, brain is teased, I’m riddled with anxiety. I can’t explain it, maybe it’s a chemical reaction. Believe me, I wish that I could tell you How and why this happens. But I feel it in my throat, I feel it in my stomach, I’m shaking, head to toe, my body cannot even function. So that takes us all the way back to that earlier question: I’m paralyzed, but my heart is beating faster every second, Why? Maybe I’m over-thinking, I overanalyze, I’m over you, I tell myself, but can’t get you out of my mind. Out of my mind, I’m out of my mind! Maybe that’s the diagnosis, and insanity has me blind. I pinch myself, but I’m still awake Or still asleep? I dunno, cuts to black when the top shakes. 
I need to slow down, pull myself together. If only I’d socialize, vocalize a little better. Wish I’d say what’s on my mind, instead of acting like I’m shy, Introverted, conservative, Dwell on how my thoughts are worded. And I try my best to tell myself to let you go, But you highjack my sub-conscience When my head hits the pillow, Invading my every thought, invading every dream, And I wake up wondering if anything is as it seems. So I reach across the comforter and grab my phone. No new notifications, I’ve got nowhere to go. It’s probably for the best that I stay in bed, Rather than risk the opportunity to lose my head. But even if I got a text, “Can you come out and play?” I doubt I’d leave the house even if I miss your face. It’s hard to explain these mind games that I play, But if you really want an answer, well here’s what I got to say: The truth is, I get nervous when I’m around you. Excuses, excuses, are all I’ve got To feed into your brain. Trust me, when I say it’s not you, it’s me to blame. The proof is in the way that my obsessive mind Refuses, refuses to let me find The courage to call out your name. Yeah, my anxiety is telling me to stay awake. It was love at first peripheral glance, Made me feel just like I did back at a middle school dance. We were walking up the stairs, and I couldn’t help but stare, From the corner of my eye, hypnotized, in a trance. Now every time you favorite one of my tweets I can feel my paradoxical heart skip a beat. Wish I could reach through the screen, And tell you how much it means When you show this introvert the attention that he needs.

Spot an ignorant blue-eyed lookalike. Realize I can run, gun, but I can only try and hide. Message sent, no reply. Hopes up, dreams died. You laughed, I cried. Cannot see the bright side. Watch your impostor meeting up with another man. Put myself in his place, imagine that we began Growing close, growing old, instead of growing icy cold. You’re dead to me, with my plans, Back from the grave to haunt my soul. My mind’s a prisoner, you’re the warden of my brain. I put you there myself, and now I have myself to blame For all of my pain and every one of my complaints. I have earned your disdain, and I cannot get away. I fall asleep and you’re there. I wake up and you’re there. I close my eyes and you’re there. Look at the sky and you’re there. The stars remind me of you, they bring back your memory. You’ve taken me captive, I will never be set free. We had it simple, refreshingly informal. Never thought it’d turn into something paranormal. Your transparent image is all I see through the dark, And all I hear is the rapid beating of my heart. You created structure from debris, And yet tore down the walls that were confining me. You restored my hope, my trust, and my faith, Now all I’m left with is hate, hate, hate, I’m left in paranoia, always looking behind my back. I hear your voice in my head, Repeating like a broken track. I would put more thought into another verse, Or a clever line, But I feel like I’ve already wasted enough of my time. In the end, it’s pathetic, and yeah it’s a shame, But the thing that haunts me most is: I’m the one to blame. Hear your name dropped, plopped in a movie script. The very mention of you brings Your phantom back from the crypt. You’re the actress, I’m the critic, Watch the film, wish I was in it, There for you in every scene, Supporting on the big screen. I’m an indie documentary, very easy to miss, You’re a summer blockbuster topping every box office. Stage fright, forget my line, Nervous sweat down my spine. I lost the role and now your sprite Terrifies me day and night. I’m sitting here, staring at this empty white inbox, The colors and design matching perfectly the outbox, Wishing I could speak to you, Come up with some endearment. Instead, I’m chokin’ on my pride, ‘Cause I can’t seem to swallow it. But I still care; I wish I had looked on the bright side. You were unprepared, You could not defend your blindside. My love for you still remains, it will never separate. You’re haunting me, taunting me, Release me from these daunting chains.

Isaiah 59:2-4, 59:7-10

Drifting in and out, I’ve been wrestling with my self-doubt. All night long, fight myself To tell the difference between right and wrong. Listen to the sounds, Feel a nocturne building all around. All night long, catch myself Typing the lyrics to another song. (All alone) I can’t tell what’s right; I can’t tell what’s wrong. Tell me the difference, ‘cause I don’t know Who to trust; who’s my guide? Am I hearing the truth, or am I hearing a lie? (I lose control) Inside my head, inside my mind, Conflicting voices on either side. Making decisions that I don’t like. The Devil’s disguise staring me in the eyes. (Start to believe) I stare right back and absorb it all, Soak it in and then I fall Into his grips; I fall for his tricks, Believe the words coming from his lips. (What lies before me) I’m on the ground, being dragged around By the snake who wants just to bring me down. He brings me down, he brings me down Into the darkness, no light, just sound. (Drifting) This symphony is my cry of despair. I'm in need of somebody To wake me from this nightmare And tear me apart from this nocturnal heart. Or else, I'll be left stumbling around in the dark.  Fallen down, I’ve fallen down, Blending in among the crowd. Too late to get up off the ground. Slipping into a shroud Of darkness, of pain. No hope or faith remain. Despair is closing in. I’m giving into sin. I wake up from the nightmare and take a breath, I drift back to the dream that’s full of death; Death of my heart, death of my spine, Searching for strength ‘cause I’ve lost all of mine. Trapped in the darkness, I can’t see the dawn. I’m scared of my fate and what lies beyond This world; nothing is pleasant. The future, it haunts me, just like the present. Drifting in and out, All the noise is getting way too loud. Hard to hear, cover my ears From all my doubt and all my fears. All night long, lose myself Within the lyrics of another song.

Psalm 73:21-28, Galatians 1:10

Yo name-drop, name-drop, laugh, laugh, Welcome to mainstream rap; rap Used to be about problems, used to be about issues- Now when I hear it, man, I need a box of tissues. Ha ha, you like that one-liner? C-sharp on the track, call me “The Designer.” Designer of what? Oh yeah, that’s right: Designer of rhymes that get everyone hyped. I drop bombs With every single word that I say in these songs. Haters, come out in ya throngs, But I’m the king and you’re nothing but pawns. You do what I say; you go where I lead. I tell you to see; I tell you to breathe. What I say is truth; I’ll make you believe. What I say is fact; you better believe I’m kidding; that’s not my approach. I won’t conform and just sit here and boast About things that don’t matter and things that don’t count, Like drinking and smoking and running this town. “Look at my cars and my house and my honeys. Look at my chain and my clothes and my money. Laugh in my songs when nothing is funny, And everyone likes me; everyone loves me!” Enough; enough is enough. I am sick of the mainstream feeding this stuff To the mouths of the hungry and the poor and the weak, People searching for strength, trying to seek A hero; someone to look up to. A hero is somebody who loves you And wants what’s best, wants what’s right, Calms you down during your fright in the night. I know the Answer; I know the Source. Laugh if you want, try to knock me off course. Tell me I’m stupid and tell me it’s farce. No one can know what prayer does to my heart. Prayer brings hope; what’s a thought do? Prayer brings strength; what does talk do If it’s not talk to God, the One who is above? You take your “glory”; I'll take His love. They tell me to follow my dreams, But my ambitions differ from the singers playing on TV. Radio airtime, racking up views online, Climbing up the sales charts, like a product not a work of art; No, see: It doesn't make a difference to me. Ay yo, D-flat in the hizzie! I like my lyrics clean, beats fresh, bass fizzy. Call it childlike innocence, Vocabulary's limited, Whatever you wanna call it at least they have some sustenance. Let's stop kidding around, get real for a verse: You criticize us? Well now the roles are reversed! Your messages are flawed; your words are perverse. You're headed straight for the grave, driving your own hearse. We say these things with love, look at it as constructive criticism, Using the party life as your defensive mechanism. Have the ability to be so much more, Instead of wasting your talent on "the club" and "the floor." As for us? Well we really dig the indie rock scene. Gimme that “Midnight City” synth and a cup of chai tea. You're free to join us "Christian hipsters" in obscurity, But if not, enjoy being a part of the mainstream. Your words are a cancer, the tumor’s not slowing. I’m trying my best to keep it from growing. We must cure this sickness, it must be shut down. Joke time is over, I’m not kidding around. You are the problem; you have it wrong. You value the fame instead of the songs. You try to be “cool”, try to be “dope”, Forget to spread truth, forget to spread hope. When you were a kid, is this what you wanted, Obsessed with your image, concerned about money? When I was a kid, I wanted Christ. I lost sight of that once, it won’t happen twice. What really matters, this life or the next? I yearn to serve God because He’s the best Desire you can have; put your flesh last. Seek a new future, abandon your past: Your past full of sin, your past full of shame. Discover the Truth, discover His Grace. Between Truth and Grace, a tension exists. We must do our best to find the right mix. If we follow His teachings, we’ll have our ascension. Boys and girls, can I have your attention? Whose message is better, God’s or the world’s? Think what you want, but I’ll bet my life on the Word. Pardon me while I use a cliche: Sticks and stones can't compare to the things that you say. What goes in is what comes out, All the junk they hear about In your rhymes is soaked up, and like a seed it sprouts Into an idea you planted in their head; Mild case of inception, like a disease it spreads. Body fights it off, but through the system it threads. Without lyrical medicinal aid, they're dead In the water and your feet get hotter. We've got a job to prevent all the slaughter. So if being a super star is your goal, don't bother, Hop on the bandwagon, think I'll stick with the Father; Try to change hearts instead of corrupting minds, Comfort the weak, give sight to the blind, Because I've a love working through me, breathing new life Into my soul, I'm made whole, wanna share the light.

I am awoken, By the forces of creation in motion. Without words spoken, I feel you there: tired and broken. Light and sound erupting outside my window, Place your head right beside mine on my pillow. And as I look into your eyes, And whisper in your ear, To try to calm your nerves, As we’re together here In this moment of time And this moment in space, The images appear Of the first time I saw your face... I watched you grow Into a lovely lady from a little girl. So to see you go, See your age catch up, your body fail your mind- Looking back, We’ve been through a lot, you and I. Breaks my heart, yeah it’s killing me, To see my flower wither and die. But as I look into your eyes, And whisper in your ear, To try to calm my nerves, As we’re together here, For one final time- Brush the hair from your face- As the images appear Of all the years that I’ve misplaced... And together, we shut our eyes, and fade away.

I’m treading on a path up the mountainside. My friends, on the left, watch from mountain bikes. I wanna jump on the pedals and ride, Surrounded by familiar faces, take the easy life. But I’ve chosen this isolated life- A nobody in the population to the right. So on the mountaintops I set my sights. I keep on the path and I keep up the fight. Suddenly, I’m reaching much greater heights. The slope is growing steep, it gets harder to climb. The weight’s heavier with every stride. I feel their eyes, wanna give up, but I’ve got too much pride. Under my breath, “I can do all things through Christ,” Open my eyes, and I’m launched into the sky. Pray He’ll give me the strength to survive. I never would’ve thought I’d spread my wings and fly. I never would’ve thought this is where you’d take my life. Then I look down: The heavens are fleeting as I plummet back to the ground. In disbelief, I watch as the earth is rushing through the clouds to meet me. I make contact; Try not to lose my grip, but I was never prepared for impact. I’m immersed in a world Of pity and disgust, nothing like it was at first; Then I’m reminded of that verse. I can do everything through He who gives me strength, As long as I follow Him to the end, to any lengths. I’m called to do greater things, according to His grand design; Bigger than my wildest dreams, Yeah, from the mountain tops I’ll shine. But first I’ll have to make the climb. I should’ve stayed true, and grown closest to you When I was reaching the peak of my ascent. But now it’s clear, from the view down here, Instead I was just caught up in the moment.

Looked into the mirror, what did I see? A past full of lies, full of hypocrisy, Absorbed with myself, I only cared about me; Ignored everyone else, I only cared about me. It’s like I was asleep, stuck inside a dream That had me sleep-walking, forgetting I should be A better person; I needed to confess Everything that I’ve done wrong, Instead of being self-obsessed. Yeah, I was conceited, got popped in the mouth for it. I was a deceiver, and now I’m paying for it. I was a snake; my tongue would spit out lies. Afraid of the truth, I would put on my disguise And I would hide from my sin; I would hide from my fate. I would hide from the Lord; I would hide from your face. I don’t deserve your mercy; I don’t deserve your grace. But all I want’s your mercy, all I want is to replace What I did to you, every single cut I gave; What I did to you- I lied right to your face. You gave me your heart, you gave me your all. I took it for granted, and then, I let you fall. I made you bleed, I made you cry, And I made you wonder why You ever put your trust into such an awful guy. I betrayed your love; I betrayed your soul. I defined hurtful; I defined low. I swear that I’m different; I swear that I’ve changed. I swear I’ll do better; I swear I’m in pain Without you in my life, without you in my arms. I need you in my life, I need you in my arms. You’re the only one I love, you’re the only one I want. Somebody like you only comes around once In a lifetime, and I don’t want to let you go. I’m begging one more chance, I’m begging don’t say no. I’m praying you’ll forgive me; I am at your mercy. I know I don’t deserve it, I know that I’m unworthy. But I will fight for you, I will do whatever it takes. I will fight for you, I won’t repeat my mistakes. I was dumb, I was stupid, I was false and a cheat. I was wrong, I was cold, I was low, I was weak, I was lost; I needed some direction ‘Cause I looked into that mirror and I hated my reflection. But I have found Christ, I have found a new beginning. I have given up my pride and the way that I was living. I have been reborn; I need you to believe me. Without you, I am broken; I need you to forgive me. I need you to forgive me. I need you to forgive me. Forgive me. Please, forgive me. I was lost, now I’m found. I was wrong to let you down. I don’t know what will come next. I don’t know what waits for me. But I know that I’ll try my best. I need you to forgive me.

Another night, another moment wasted... I can’t believe I’m still giving up, and giving in. I’m sick of remaining trapped in this body. I’m tired of being another human being. Another night, another poor decision.. I fight the good fight, but I lose twice for every win. I’m guilty of remaining a primitive animal, Of losing sight of God, and falling into sin. “Nobody’s perfect.” These words still hold true. But until I gain control of myself, I won’t deserve You. I don’t deserve You. I’ll never deserve You. And yet You love me through and through, And I love You too, I really do. So I’m gonna try harder than ever To prove it to You; I love You too, I really do. Another night, another temper tantrum... I pace up and down, this lonely house, anger in my eyes. I’m scared of remaining in the clutches of Satan. I fail over and over no matter how hard I try. Another night, another long confession I find you’ve been waiting for me to give You all this time. I’m finished attempting to find my own way in the darkness; The sun is rising, the morning has arrived. “Nobody’s perfect.” These words couldn’t be more true. But I’m learning to forgive myself; I’m running back to You. I’m sprinting back to You. I’m calling out to You. Because You love me through and through, And I love You too, I really do. So I’m gonna try harder than ever To prove it to You; I love You too, I really do.

Think about the things in this life you hold dearly. I feel like the world is struggling to see clearly Priorities and issues and problems which are real. Instead if we don’t get what we want, we just squeal And complain and we moan and we groan on cell phones, Taking for granted the different ways that we’ve grown, Forgetting the internet used to have a dial tone, And now we’re just bitter on Twitter sitting at home. Take a minute to take a look around: Do you recognize the life you’re living now? Have you made it your goal to stand apart from the crowd? Look at our progress: does that not make you proud? Well of course it doesn’t; you haven’t even noticed. So busy searching for more, that you can’t even focus On the present, on what’s occurring at the moment, Trashing this for that, as if everything is broken When it’s not; it isn’t even touched. Why does everything we do have to be so rushed? Can’t we just slow down and try to soak it up? It’s just being pleased, not being stuck in a rut. Maybe we’d do better if we spent a little wiser, No more jetting out our money just to imitate a geyser. The world hasn’t changed, just the people in it- Do you even remember what I’ve said in the last minute? Five decades lost in the blink of an eye To shadows of memories now exposed in the light. As the opening draws closer, my past grows more defined. I am listening, Composer; angelic lullabies Beckon me to drift off asleep, leave this Earth behind. Though my friends and family weep, life awaits after life. The end rushes in, the walls ignite To reveal my mistakes now exposed in the light. As the opening draw nearer, I hope to make the climb. My priorities grow clearer, I see wrong from right. Reap the riches of the planet, but nothing satisfies. If you flee from independence, life begins after life. One of these days, the end will arrive. Will you be satisfied with the way you lived your life? During that life, were you consumed by your pride? Did you make a good impression by the time that you died? When you gaze upon His eyes, what will He decide? Will you soar into the light, or will you take a dive Down into the depths of the pit which will provide You with suffering (so bad that you can’t even cry For the tears become vapors upon leaving your eyes)? The heat never dies, but the fire will rise. Does that fate sound like it’s worth all of the lies Flowing out of your mouth? Do you even recognize All the filth in your life and all the stupid stuff you’ve tried? There’s so much in your past from which you cannot hide. Well you can make a change, you can turn it around, And rebuild your life, and start fresh from the ground. It’s never too late to be granted His forgiveness. It’s never too late to escape from the sickness Of the world, and all of its corruption. Begin to be different, create your own eruption Of your heart, and the things you hold dearly. Replace your old lenses and start to see clearly Priorities and issues and problems which are real. Offer up your soul and let it begin to heal. Embrace all His warmth and all the comfort that you feel. Don’t be afraid to let it go and just kneel. The world needs to change, and all the people in it. Follow the Light and lose yourself deep within it.

Ephesians 5:8-14

I awake, And open my well-rested eyes and praise God on high, Stare at the ceiling and breathe out a sigh. I am not afraid, The nightmares go away. I see your reality is better than my dreams. It’s a new day, It’s time for a change. Throw up the covers and sheets, Get up and get on my feet, Get down and then I sing. I’m awake. Far away From all my guilt and shame and past mistakes, Morning skies Bring new mercies flowing from the Blood of Christ- The greatest sacrifice. Time to forgive, time to forget, Time to let go of all regrets. The past is past, that cannot change, But by His love and truth and grace We are saved, the debt is paid; You can rest knowing you’re safe, And you can once again awake Without the worry or the pain. There’s no taking back last night, What’s done is done, it’s black and white. Redemption’s only found in Christ Who fell asleep, but like the light Of the rising sun, Rose again, the only Son. So you can get up out of bed, And dance like you’re the walking dead.